FANTASTIC NEWS UPDATES and a not so fantastic one…..

Hello to all reading this! I thank-you all for checking on me and caring about this journey i’m on…I have recieved more support and love than I deserve and thank all of you who have been supporting me and being my friends!

FANTASTIC NEWS FIRST!!!!!
If you haven’t been on my Facebook this will be new news! If you have humor me ! LOL!!

1st bit of great news is the girl with no office work experience and very limited computer skills, landed a part time receptionist/office assistant job!!!! It was such a God thing!! I had applied at a number of places, sending resumes in all over for this type of job. I landed one interview that went phenominal at a HUGE place with tons of perks, but there was a TON of competition for that job and I didn’t make the cut. I found this out on the morning of March 8th as i discovered in my e-mail upon finsihing my morning cardio. I was sooooooo disappointed. I wanted to cry and was down in the dumps. My prep was stalling out and then this and I felt like a freaking failure who tries so hard and was falling short. I wanted to just quit everything, I knew i wouldn’t, I just felt like it.

Well about and hour later i get a call from another place i applied at who wanted to set up an interview that same afternoon…Ok. i didn’t know what to think, but went to the interview and it was just “weird cool” It was a small business and it seemed as the interview ended that after she checked my references that i basicly had the job, but i wasn’t quite sure. She said she would get back with me, but I never heard anything that day or the day after. It wasn’t until two days after I got the call from her asking when can i start!? That was it, that was how I knew I had the job, LOL!! I was soooooooooo stoked and excited!!! I told her i could start the next Monday!

I LOVE my job and my bosses and am so happy there!!
Well that night that i had the interview, i also had my GED class and was super nervous because after doing Geometry, they were re-testing me to see if I was ready to go take the final test for my GED…the MATH….Somehow by the grace of God Algebra ended up clicking thanks to the way one particular assistant instructor explained it to me, without my even asking..all of a sudden I got it and was flying through algebra and doing so with 100% accuracy! Then Geometry and that was super easy too, kind of felt like a little respite and so my final GED practice test..I would have had a 100% had i not accidentally written a wrong number. i had the answer right on my scratch paper just wrote the wrong thing absent mindedly…I was in SHOCK!!! SHOCK!!! And emotional like you wouldn’t believe!! I was immediately sent to the testing center to sign up for my Math GED test…I was in tears by the time I got to the desk to sign up for a date…the woman at the counter was very understanding and sweet, i couldn’t help it, i was so happy!
You all have to understand what a mental battle math has been for me, going all the way back to the 4th grade when i couldn’t “get” the math my teacher was teaching. He took me out into the hall and proceeded to yell at me and tell me I wasn’t trying. he was mean and it was traumatic for me. He then tried to hold me back and keep me in the 4th grade another year and my mom and dad fought it and i was moved along to 5th….after that i struggled and struggled with math. i was convinced i couldn’t do it and stayed that way until i aced that practice test at my GED class…I was almost in tears when the instructor was grading it because i was convinced I bombed it…I didn’t bomb it!! i freaking basicly had a 100% I got sent to take my final test…i conquered the math demon….By the grace of God, but i conquered it. You guys i was CONVINCED that it would be the math that would keep me from my much needed and desired GED. I couldn’t even PASS basic and general math in highschool! I was convinced i had a math learning disability….THIS was HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE for me! HUGE!!!!!!! and emotional, still is!

I was signed up to take that GED Math test that Thursday and 1pm…i was nervous and excited! It was a 90 min test split into 2 45 min segments, no breaks…I needed all but 3-5 of those 90 mins. That worried me, but i made it through and completed all problems and even had time to correct some i wasn’t sure about. Then began the 2 week wait to know my score and if i passed it. I was nervous everytime I thought about it!! There was a guy in that test with me who told me it was his second time taking the test as you had to have a 400 to pass and he’d gotten a 390…i knew many people who tested the math several times before making it…GAH!!! The suspense was nearly killing me!!

Fats forward to this last Wednesday March 24th and my youngest daughter, Amanda went to get the mail and comes running in squeeling and holding and envelope to hand to me…it clearly said where it was from and “testing center” on it, so she definately knew…I opened the envelope and couldn’t pull out the contents to look…I made her do it, while I hid my eyes in the envelope with my heart POUNDING out of my chest. For some reason she was saying there were 3 papers and she was trying to find where it said if i passed or not. The envelopes have never had 3 papers. i didn’t know if that was bad or good…she kept looking, the suspense was building and my heart pounded ever harder…finally, she blurts out excitedly that i passed!!! I looked up in shock and looked at the paper as she pointed it out and we hugged each other and i cried hard!

I HAD DONE IT!!!!!! IT was over!!! I reached the toughest goal i’d ever strived for, overcome my hardest mental battle and succeeded..i didn’t just barely pass either I came in above average! Then all my score were charted on another sheet and accompanied my notes about my performance and I made the TOP 10% of graduates!!!!! TOP 10%!!!??? ME!!!???? REALLY!!??? WOW!!!! Just WOW!!!!
I’ll also be having a formal graduation ceremony that happens to be the same week as my oldest daughter Sarah…She graduates HighSchool June 6th and I graduate June 11th…How freaking cool is that!!??? Even she said we will be able to have a double graduation party!! YAY!!!!!!

So what are my educational plans now? With my new job, I’m focused right now on getting into some computer classes asap. That’s my next move then i’ll go from there! So excited!!!

Now the not so fantastic news….this is the part i’ve been dreading and is hard to write….
My competition plans have been put on hold.   I can say with 100% cartainty that I have truly put more into this prep than all of them combined, I’ve been so mentally into this prep, more than any prep. So much so that Jim said with the exception of  the leaning out progress this has been my best prep ever, even mood wise, and I haven’t even complained all that much. He said I’ve handled the entire thing so well, also by the grace of God. Never the less my body has changed drastically even since last prep. We literally tried ever single thing that has ever worked for me before and all to not much avail. I lost 12 pounds but still have 10 more to lose and my body just keeps getting stuck. We even brought carbs WAY down, and increased cardio and no big change. I have had NO big drops this entire prep, NONE! I’ll lose a pound here or there but nothing has been working like it should. I’ve increased my intesity, cut dairy, bread, nothing, everything keeps limping along reluctantly giving up a pound maybe every 2-3 weeks. I HONESTLY cannot work any harder than i have been, even Jim will atest to that.
The interesting thing is God has blessed certain aspects of my prep and spoken to me and the one thing that keeps coming to me is the TIMING, the TIMING, the TIMING! The timing is not yet, if it was i’d be there.

After a heart to heart with Jim 2 weekends ago, I point blank asked him if i was going to make it in time. Understand at this time we finally had found what would work for me. We bumped carbs back up, kept fat pretty low and slightly lowered protein, not bad low, just slightly lower than where it was. My body is visually showing leaning out progress, but not much happening on the scale. It dropped then came back up, so who knows! We see changes. Jim says my musculature is responding very well to the changes, i’m making great strength gains, even when my carbs were ultra low, some strength gains were quite significant. My body is taking on shape that i’ve been waiting to see forever. Bottom line Jim said i would not be lean enough in time. This being in line with the fact i want to get on that stage at my personal best, I want to be competitive. I still want my Pro-Card. I don’t want to look like i did last year or worse..I just can’t do it! He said we could take drastic measures if i was adamant about competing this spring, but all of which would not have the look i want and would risk me losing precious hard earned muscle. I don’t want to do this at ALL costs I want to do this right and if the timing is not now, then I am not pushing it, if my body is not falling in line on time.
I LOVE competing, I’m aching to take that stage again, I’ve been more excited for this prep, than i have in forever…I SOOOOOOOO wanted to compete this spring, i cried knowing i just need to hold off.I know it’s the right choice, but after working SOOOO hard and sacrificing it’s so disappointing.
My body simply has never been this stubborn! There’s a reason…I don’t understand it, it makes me bummed, but it is what it is.
For now i’m on a regimented plan Jim made, and i’ll continue to be up until fall. I am not doing my free for all eating that caused me to gain too much body fat this last year. I will continue to lean out slightly more, until we get to a spot where we want to hold steady until heading into the fall shows. I’ll continue with this new lifting plan Jim has been running me through, and keep reaping the the great results.
My plan is to bring in a new and tighter package for fall, and my focus is still in, my mind is still in, it’s just extended now…

Does it mean i’m not going through a LOT of emotions right now, nope, cuz I am, does it mean i’m not down, nope because i am. I’m having a difficult couple of days right now dealing with it, and i’ll be fine, i just need to work through it right now. I’ve had SO many people rooting me on and supporting me, I feel a bit like i’m letting everyone down, and that’s a little hard.
For those people I’ll still be at the shows cheering you all on. Jim is judging and i’ll be watching so if anyone needs anything let me know! I’ll be screaming loudly, so be prepared!!!
I am looking forward to seeing the shows at least and am so glad i still get to be there, although I know it’ll be a little hard knowing how badly i wanted to be up there on that stage!

Thanks for reading this loooong post!

xoxoxoxo

Here’s a little pic from a little over 2 weeks ago…