Well a lot has been happening since I last journaled.
My toe has been quite the ordeal, let me tell you! On top of that I also had an ENT appointment due to frequent sinus infections. That appointment landed me a CT scan of my head, which showed no sinus issues, just bad allergies. From there I ended up at an allergist and skin testing ensued.
I have 2 cats and found out i’m allergic to them as well as dogs, dust mites and ragweed as well as several others nuisances. This meant having to get covers for my bed and pillows and my cats being banned from my room as well as new meds and a hepa vac. All this on top of my toe issue! LOL! When it rains it pours! I’ll be going in for immuno-therapy shots for dealing with my allergies and hoping they are effective in the long run. Right now my favorite cat, Abby is quite bummed out as she has been my sleeping buddy when Jim is out of town. 
She also was becoming quite the lap cat to me and now I’m having to limit my contact with her. Poor kitty!
So far I am not noticing a huge difference with my new allergy meds, so we shall see.
My foot healing is STILL going. I was in the orthopaedist on the 27th of April and by then , I’d been off crutches comletely for about a week & a half. Man! I didn’t think I was ever going to be done with those, LOL!! I had gone from two to one and eventually just walking in the boot again. I had that appointment and knew we were going to re-X-Ray it and then talk about weaning off the boot, so I was really excited for that appointment to say the least. It went well, until the Dr. squeezed and moved my toe right where the plate and screws are. He moved everywhere else and it was fine, then he did that and I about died, the pain was so intense! After that and looking at how little tissue I will have overlying that area once swelling is completely down, he said the plate and screws will have to come out.
I was concerned about starting the whole process of crutches and stuff over and he assured me that i’d be able to walk right away and we’d be in the boot about 2 weeks after that surgery just to allow the incision to heal. *sigh* Not as bad as I had feared, but not thrilled with getting cut open again. I do think it will be for the best as I really had concerns over doing heavy calf raises with the plate in as well as dancing or wearing my awesome heels that I love!
Anyway, who knew a broken big toe could be such a problem!? I go back to the doc on the 25th of this month and I imagine we’ll be looking at removing the plate soon after that.
I have definately atrophied quite a bit in my lower leg with this and due to pain and crutches has missed 5 1/2 weeks of workouts and gained some weight due to this. I did get back tot he gym last week and it felt amazing!! I do have the go ahead to do some leg stuff as well as upperbody. I’m allowed extensions, ham curls and abductor, adductor and the best…..Unilateral leg press, lightly and using only my heel and mid-foot to push with. My doctor knew how thrilled I was with that and was happy to tell me that!! I am also allowed to do biking, and because of how I need to press with my foot, I’ve chosen the recumbent although a normal bike is fine as well.
I did a LOT of left foot driving and because my Buick with the bench seat died a permanent death and I had to get another car that has a console, I was forced to drive with my right foot/boot on the dash. This made me nervous but I basicly just had to trust God as Jim has been out of town and i have girls to get to and from school as well as soccer. I actually was quite good at the left foot driving which was a huge relief!! And yes, apparently I did get a LOT of strange looks according to my girls! LMTO!!!
As of yesterday I was able to slip into my shoe and drive with both feet. My foot is still sore where the plate/screws are, so i’m not comfortable with going from gas to brake and vise versa, so I use my injured foot for the gas and the left foot for my brake and it’s BLISS!!! I feel FREE! LOL!!! After going through all this…..all those little things we always take for granted and never give a thought to, becomes HUGE!!
I’m also now able to walk more in my boot, so am no longer having to use the motorized carts now…Thank-You Jesus!! I mean it too!! I have such a new enpathy and heart for those who truly have disabilities that cause them to HAVE to use one or a wheel chair, because stores are NOT set up to handle this limitation, I don’t care how wide the doorways are or how a bathroom stall is set up…Certain isles and diplays, you simply can NOT get through at ALL, and we are talking Target etc… I at least could get out and walk, but some cannot. This even goes for reaching products you need . I honestly could see myself becoming an advocate for people with real disabilities. Not only are those facts frustrating, but as soon as you place yourself into a motorized shopping cart, people are insanely RUDE! The only ones who are not, are ones who have been there and sympathize. My first few trips like this I was grumpy and I ended up in tears numerous times. It was sad. Now if you are on crutches people go out of their way for you 99.9% of the time. In the boot, it’s mixed. I find the funniest and most common reaction to me walking in the boot is people rushing or waiting to hold open a door for me, which cracks me up as i can open the door easy, it’s just walking that’s hard. It just tickles me and warms my heart as well as makes my day!
It’s like right after my surgery when I was on crutches and had my youngest bring me a can of diet coke and she offered to open it for me…SO sweet and SO funny!!
Those really are more light hearted moments though as our family has been in the midst of MAJOR trials since November & all big stuff. All stuff beyond our control and just ridiculous, really. We have had some dark days but we have also seen God work. We still have tough stuff ahead, but we are trusting God. I don’t know His purpose but i know His Love, mercy and sovereignty, and so I keep going.
One recent thing was my car breaking down badly while Jim was out of town, having NO money & not having the ability to walk should it seize up somewhere. I drove it 3 days until I KNEW I could not drive it any more. My gut just KNEW it. It was so difficult trying to make driving arrangements for the next 2 days for the girls and myself for work. It worked out though. Jim came home over the weekend and we had 2 days to find a car until he would need to leave town again. It was a LONG stressful ordeal, but long story short God provided and we are trusting Him to keep this car going until we can get something better.
The day we got the car was a Sunday and we were rejoicing and feeling better, then i get a text from my boss saying they don’t want me to come in this next week because business is just way down. I about died as this was THE worst time due to a whole long story. I decided that I was not going to keep stressing and to trust God and focus on the positive and one of which I still had the previous weeks pay coming Friday via direct deposit.
I hadn’t heard from my boss by that Wednesday which was odd, so I sent her my hours from the previous week and checked up on the business. No response, which was odd. I then e-mailed her again late Thursday before heading to bed, woke up Friday to find not only was my check not being direct deposited, but they didn’t have money to pay me yet and that i was now laid off for my 2nd time there. Again THE worst time for this to all happen!!! LONG story!!
I balled, then I was angry , then I was concerned not just for me and my family but for them as well. I can not get into what happened but even though I really love my ex bosses and am hoping for the best for them, I was still upset. I took a day to process everything and get level headed and work through my emotions and then replied back. Eventually about a week later I did get paid which was perfect timing for us after cashing in soda cans just to get a few groceries and using spare change. I did have to say I did not want to be called in the future for work as I really just needed to move on. Again a whole long story there, but this decsion was made for good reason and I know was the best thing to do.
I have been back to job hunting and have 1 interview tomorrow. Some of the positions I sent my resume in for, had already been filled pretty quick, and so far this one and another one, that I don’t yet have an interview for are all that’s open and nothing else has opened up yet.
Again, it comes down to being pro-active and then trusting God.
Life has been nuts, I have at times felt like i hated my life, but God is teaching me a LOT through all of this. Being a Christian we are subject to attacks from the enemy and that is to be expected & not to take us by surprise. I have had to work through a LOT of stuff through all this and had to face a LOT of truths that I don’t exactly like yet am thankful for and God has used it all to change my heart and perspective. We so often expect all this good “stuff” but we actually are faced with tough trials and spiritual battles. I am NOT above Jesus. He suffered, he had no place to lay his head, he was falsely accused and brutally crucified and humiliated suffering SO much more than anything I have to face here on this earth…yet He is my Lord and savior and how dare I think I’m above having bad things happen? How dare I think i should only receive His good gifts and how dare my expectations be carnal and wrong spirited?
I have focused on wrong things and what I need to focus on is what God IS doing and what NEEDS He is providing! Yes God does give us even better things at times just out of the sweetness of who He is…but to always expect that and then curse God or grumble or think He does not care or has left us, is wrong and it’s a sin. I have sinned here and I am ashamed of that. Do I let that defeat me, absolutely not!! That is NOT God’s will! I learn from it and allow it to change my heart and I keep going. Will I be perfect..Nope…but I am aware of it for next time and can repent, refocus and nip it in the bud right away.
To have a God who cares enough about our relationship with Him and our spiritual well being as to know when we must learn these hard lessons makes God more loving than I can know, it makes the relationship with Him richer! I don’t like the tough stuff, i don’t like suffering, but I’m blessed because of it. Sounds weird unless you have gone through it and allowed it to do the work it needs to. I can guarantee you this from my personal experience, that harder you fight it, the more painful it becomes.
This is said just about the stuff I’ve come to understand, there is still a host of stuff I haven’t come to understand, stuff that breaks my heart and stuff may not understand until some later appointed time. ALL I can do is keep going and trust. Will I hurt, yes! Will i falter along the way, most probably. Will i just lay down, quit and die..NO WAY!! Will i feel like it YEP! Will I give in…NO!!! It all comes down to the bottom line..FAITH, no matter how things look…GOD….But God!!! His character has NOT changed, He is LOVING & merciful but satan will try and say otherwise, but truth is truth and God is God and He doesn’t change! The bible clearly states that satan goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour and if we are not plugged in with God and spending time in that relationship, we are sitting ducks.
God has blessed with great gifts of really amazing friends who know who they are and just great conversations and encouragement as well as a dear friend who knew i needed new sneakers and gave me gift cards to get them. These things I cherish even more than ever and am thankful for!
Pic time……….. Click to see larger……..
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- My Daughter Jenna w/ Peter Jr. Prom last Saturday
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- My New Dream Shoes!
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- The “new” car
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- A Good Day @ Track Meet
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- How I was rolling ;0)
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- Atrophy
